A Thanksgiving Massacre




The first time I ever witnessed an animal being slaughtered was when a friend’s friend was butchering a thanksgiving turkey, which his family had named Thanksgiving. I was about to start training in kosher slaughter and was looking for opportunities of any kind to learn about processing animals. The fellow that was doing the butchering, I’ll call him John, had don it only once before. He wasn’t experienced and things did not go as planned. Before I continue I’m warning readers that this story is pretty graphic. If you’re easily upset you may want to skip the next paragraph.

John used a basic kitchen knife that hadn’t been sharpened properly for slaughter. Having only ever watched youtube videos, he made a very poor cut to the animal’s neck. Not only did this release little blood and fail to cause rapid brain death, after minutes of struggle the bird was still conscious as ever as it thrashed wildly in the kill cone trying to escape. At one point, Thanksgiving managed to somehow flip over inside the huge cone and stared up at us with a disturbingly vacant expression while its neck lay complete split open. We had to reluctantly flip it back over in the cone, avoiding the gaping wound as best we could. At some point I remember John trying to make a second cut, which helped little. After many minutes Thanksgiving finally died. The whole ordeal was a horrific mess for all parties involved, especially the turkey. John felt terribly about what happened and how much suffering he caused.

In the end, the turkey was killed and processed successfully, but the horror story that Thanksgiving experienced that morning could have been avoided had John received slaughter training. Truth is, something very similar would have happened to most people in his situation. A hundred years ago butchering was something that was passed down and taught to every generation. Today, most Americans don’t know how to carve a roasted chicken let alone how to kill their own birds. 

If you’re amongst this group and want to slaughter your own animals, you’ll need to seek out hands on training in order to avoid situations like John’s. Some small farms provide slaughter training and/or custom slaughter services. Websites like eatwild.com can be good resources for finding such farms in your area. There’s also organization, like the Portland Meat Collective where I taught in the past, that offer courses in slaughter and butchery popping up throughout the country. For those interested learning kosher or ritual slaughter specifically, we offer top quality training options on our learn page.

Slaughtering your own animals takes a lot of work and is not for everybody. For those that have the ability and will to pursue it, a feeling of great independence and strong connection to your food awaits. Whatever path you choose just make sure to take the proper steps, so that your next thanksgiving doesn’t turn into a thanksgiving massacre.

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